In the midst of all of the Birther nonsense, I decided to look at my own “Birth Certificate” to see if I would be eligible to run for the Presidency of the United States. To my surprise, with the information I know about our President’s birth certificate I think I might receive even more scrutiny than he has.
First off, there is a lot of controversy over “Birth Certificate” vs. “Certificate of Live Birth”. Well mine says “Copy of Record of Birth” (RED FLAG 1). Oh boy, I get the feeling the Birthers would have a field day just with that alone! The date on this copy is April 1990. I’m sure my mom needed it to get me a passport or something and most likely lost the original somewhere between moving up and down the east coast. It has a raised seal and most of the information seems to be in order. My full name is spelled out. Date of Birth and Place of Birth as expected. Time of Birth: BLANK (RED FLAG 2). Sex: M. Good. Color: BLANK (RED FLAG 3). Wait, what’s going on here? Surely the people at the hospital knew when I was born and that I was Black. And why haven’t I noticed all of this earlier?
Now here comes the good stuff.
Understand my parents were not married when I was born. They were married 3 days later. But that’s okay. To my knowledge I was born in a hospital. But when I look at the Copy of Record of Birth, I noticed that my mom’s name is written with my father’s last name and her maiden name in parentheses. I would have expected to see her name with her maiden name last or her previous married name (RED FLAG 4). Not so. How did that happen? And what’s this: Date of Original Record July 18. I was born in June (RED FLAG 5)! Date of Amendment: BLANK (RED FLAG 6). So the record was generated a month after I was born. This wouldn’t be likely if I had been born in a hospital. Was I smuggled in from Canada?
Officials in Hawaii have certified that not only does the long form of President Obama’s certificate exist, but there are both typed and hand-written notes in the file from the doctor who birthed him, as would be expected. My Copy of Record of Birth doesn’t say what time I was born, what color I am, and…what’s this? How did I miss this before? THIS IS MY MOTHER’S HANDWRITING!!!!! No doubt about it! The majority of this form was written by my own mother! I’m sure of it (RED FLAG 7). The only think not is the signature of the Registrar of Vital Records and Statistics who official swears by the facts for the Department of Public Health. So maybe the process was: you fill out the document and the registrar verifies and signs it? Yes that’s it. Interestingly, there’s a grease stain right on top of the signature (RED FLAG 8). It must be to cover up the white-out I used on the signature.
I talked to my mom about this Easter Sunday. It turns out I was not born in a hospital as I have been telling people for 30 years. It was a women’s clinic (RED FLAG 9). It wasn’t Planned Parenthood but I’m sure that’s what the GOP do-gooders are thinking. My mom and dad took me and the information to the proper agency to get my birth certificate, and at the same time, they also changed my older sister’s last name (which had been my mother’s previous married name). It all sounds plausible. But where is the proof that I was born in the US? Not that it matters, both of my parents are US citizens. My mom has never left the country in her life. None of those facts would matter to a Birther though. Facts are simply annoyances to them.
So maybe there’s nothing for a Birther to be worried about. After all, my Copy of Record of Birth was good enough to get me a passport, why not a ticket to the Oval Office. Oh, did I mention that my mom used to work for the US Passport Office? Yep. Didn’t even have to wait in line! And I’m sure that in no way had any effect on the scrutiny that my application received (RED FLAG 10).